We met more than 10 years ago on a since discontinued online game. For months, years even, we were just friends. But then after a while I realized I was only still playing for him. We were best friends for years although we'd never met, me in the USA, and Josh, on another planet, Australia. I never expected to meet, but still he "got me" more than anyone.
I had my own life, but we were always in contact. First through the game, then through online messaging, occasional video. I married to someone else. But Josh was still my best friend. I went to med school, and my marriage fell apart with the strain of long hours and growing apart. But Josh was still my best friend, and helped me through my heartbreak.
Then I, from the USA, had an opportunity for international rotation in NZ. I'd be lying if I said that going to Australia, a stones throw away, wasn't on my mind when I applied for it. I was approved. I had my rotation, which was amazing. But more amazing was towards the end of my month there, when I took a weekend to meet my best friend.
He was taller than I expected. There was immediate chemistry, and over 2 days I fell in love more than I ever felt. I didn't tell him. We barely touched out of respect for our friendship and my recent relationship/divorce.
Back in NZ for last days of my rotation, I confessed my love. And, unsurprisingly and surprisingly, he told me he felt the same. He said he sobbed after dropping me off at the airport. I was so in love and felt awakened. I felt like a child again, but also so hopeless. Leaving him felt like dying.
Since then, we have had a sort of relationship that feels pretend and doomed, but also the most important thing in my life. I see him once or twice a year, and it’s always my happiest memories. We talk daily, through messages and occasionally by voice or video.
I hope someday, when I'm out of residency (physician training), I can move to Australia and we can finally be together. I think Bond Touch could add something to our relationship. I miss his touch so much. I'd love to have a little reminder that he, in another universe, is real. And maybe our doomed, pretend relationship might one day be a reality.